Divorced But Still Living Together
By Lori
Rubenstein, JD, CPC
Divorce Mediator and Life Coach
My husband and I divorced 6 months ago. But we are still
living together because neither of us can afford to move out
from our home. It's the one marital asset that we are hanging
on to since we can't sell it and make enough to pay off our
sizable mortgage.
We've had many financial setbacks this year. I'm currently
looking for work having been downsized from a previous position
in the financial services industry and his job is on shaky
ground at best. Due to finances, we're still together, yet
we want to be apart. We have 2 kids who are pre-teens. Things
are tense, we still argue and now I think we even have more
resentment of each other because of being with each other
and feeling trapped.
We want to move on with our lives. I want to go out and start
dating again. We were separated for a year before the official
divorce but still living together then as well.
How can we move on with our lives when we're both still very
much in each other's lives? I know he wants to date as much
as I do, but it really isn't possible since we're all still
in the same home. Try explaining that to someone you might
want to date.
How can we create a better atmosphere between us and our
kids when we're all still in this together? And what do you
think about dating? I need to move on. I want to be in a relationship.
I don't know how to do that given these circumstances. Any
thoughts?
Rachel from Reston
Dear Rachel,
Honestly, you are not in a position to date. You are right,
it would be too confusing for all family members involved,
and your primary goal right now is to find a job.
I'm hearing you are looking to date to help you move on.
Moving on is an inside job. This is a great opportunity for
you to make sure you are ready to date. That is, have you
taken responsibility for your part in the break up of the
marriage, have you forgiven both him and yourself, are YOU
the best person you can possibly be given the situation?
Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Looking at
the big picture, you are in this tough financial situation,
having to stay dependent on your ex-husband. Why do you think
that is? Can you ask on a spiritual level what it is you need
to know or learn from this situation? How can you be even
more loving on a regular basis? How can you be an even better
Mom? Focus on these things and everything else - including
dating and moving out on your own - will fall into place.
Best to you
Lori Rubenstein
www.LoveAdviceCoach.com
928-634-0252
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